Oh look—another think piece reminding marketers that brand and performance should get married, have metrics babies, and live happily ever after. Cute. Except we’ve been screaming this from the rooftops since before Facebook pretended it cared about small businesses.

Bob Parks of Boathouse makes a well-meaning case, full of earnest nods to media fragmentation and AI buzzwords. And sure, most of it checks out. But here's the thing: we don’t need a kumbaya campfire singalong between brand and performance. We need rehab. Because CMOs have become ROI junkies—mainlining last-click attribution like it’s digital heroin.