Cookies Are Dead. Stop Crying and Start Adapting.

Table of Contents

• Cookies Are Dead. Stop Crying and Start Adapting.

  • What Are Alternative IDs? (Or, “What Happens When …

    • 1. Deterministic IDs: The Exclusive Country Club o …

    • 2. Probabilistic IDs: The Ad Industry’s Best Guess

  • So, Are Alternative IDs the Holy Grail? Or Just th …

    • The Good, The Bad, and The Really Inconvenient Tru …

      • Ads You Actually Want to See? Welect Thinks You Might Play Along

  • The Real Play: Adapt or Die (And Stop Whining Already)

    • Bottom Line: Stop Complaining, Start Innovating

      • Judy Shapiro’s Take on the Cookie Apocalypse: Stop Looking Through a Pinhole

      • Utiq: The Telco-Powered Privacy Revolution in AdTech

      • Ad-Tech’s Big Short: Jamie Bernard Knows Where the Bodies Are Buried

      • The Cookie Apocalypse That Wasn’t: How Adtech Sold Fear and Burned Millions

      • The Numbers: Industry Panic or Premature Overhaul?

      • Google Consent Mode: Survival Tactics for the Adtech Jungle

Let’s talk about the cookiepocalypse—because, let’s be honest, it’s already here.

While some marketers are still clinging to third-party cookies like a hoarder with an expired Costco membership, the rest of the industry is in a blind panic, scrambling for new ways to track consumers without getting smacked by regulators, Apple, or that one uncle who insists on browsing the web exclusively in incognito mode.

For years, third-party cookies were the creepy but effective backbone of digital advertising, quietly logging your every move like an overzealous mall cop. But now, after years of privacy crackdowns, Apple’s iOS 14 temper tantrum, and Google finally deciding it maybe shouldn’t own the entire internet, third-party cookies are finally being exiled to the land of Betamax and Myspace.

So, what’s next? Enter Alternative IDs—the Frankenstein’s monster of ad tech, an attempt to resurrect tracking in a “privacy-safe” way. But are they the savior marketers have been praying for, or just another overhyped, half-baked solution that will crumble faster than a gluten-free cookie?

Let’s break it down.

What Are Alternative IDs? (Or, “What Happens When the Industry Refuses to Let Go”)

Alternative IDs are essentially third-party cookies in witness protection—rebranded, reformulated, and marketed as “privacy-friendly” while still doing everything advertisers need them to do. They exist for one reason: to keep ad targeting alive without getting sued into oblivion by the EU.

There are two main types:

1. Deterministic IDs: The Exclusive Country Club of Tracking

Deterministic IDs are the elite, members-only version of identity tracking. They’re based on actual, verified data—think hashed email addresses, phone numbers, or login credentials. If you’ve signed in to a website and agreed to the terms (without reading them, obviously), congratulations! You’re now part of the deterministic ID ecosystem.

✅ More accurate than your mom’s intuition – These IDs know it’s you.
✅ Privacy-compliant (for now) – Since users willingly provide their data, regulators aren’t foaming at the mouth.
✅ Great for cross-device tracking – Log in once, and your ID follows you across devices like an enthusiastic puppy.

🚫 The problem? Scale.
Most people don’t log into every site they visit. Outside of platforms with massive authentication networks (think Amazon, Google, and Meta), deterministic IDs just don’t reach enough people to be a full-scale replacement for cookies.

Who’s using it? Unified ID 2.0 (UID2), LiveRamp’s RampID, and Criteo’s First-Party Data Network.

2. Probabilistic IDs: The Ad Industry’s Best Guess

If deterministic IDs are like TSA PreCheck—where you voluntarily hand over your identity for a smoother experience—probabilistic IDs are like that one airport security agent who insists on “randomly” checking you every single time. Instead of knowing exactly who you are, probabilistic IDs piece together clues from multiple data points—IP addresses, device types, browsing behavior, screen resolution, and other signals—to make an educated guess.

✅ Massive scale – No login required, which means advertisers can track a lot more people.
✅ Works across multiple devices – By analyzing digital breadcrumbs, probabilistic IDs can link your phone, tablet, and laptop activity together.

🚫 The problem? Accuracy and legality.
Probabilistic IDs are the digital equivalent of a conspiracy board with red string—sometimes they get it right, sometimes they completely misfire. Worse, many rely on fingerprinting, which is so deeply hated by Apple, Google, and Mozilla that they’d rather set their servers on fire than allow it to be widely used. If an ID solution requires fingerprinting, it’s not a long-term play—it’s just waiting for the regulatory hammer to drop.

So, Are Alternative IDs the Holy Grail? Or Just the Least Worst Option?

If by "Holy Grail" you mean a slightly better option than screaming into the void, then sure—Alternative IDs are a solution.

But the grand savior of targeted advertising? Not so much.

Let’s get real: Alternative IDs are the ad industry’s duct-taped, slightly sanitized workaround, an attempt to preserve some form of cross-site tracking without getting dragged into regulatory hell. They let advertisers cling to the illusion of precision, keep their beloved performance metrics from imploding, and delay the inevitable need to find an actual long-term strategy. But let’s be clear—they’re not the answer, just an answer. And depending on how regulators, Big Tech, and consumer sentiment shake out over the next few years, they might not even be a very good one.