Washington is testing the limits of “independent” by turning the FTC into a presidential temp agency. Madison Avenue is busy selling discount groceries with premium fees. Silicon Valley is playing both sides of TikTok while pretending it’s about national security. And corporate America is still chasing quarterly sugar highs while insisting it’s all about long-term strategy.

That’s just the top line. Beneath it: Nissan is recycling executives like spare parts, Trump is suing the press for sport, and Amazon has figured out how to sell you batteries between Bon Jovi tracks. Streaming TV? Still a swamp of fraud. Retail media? Now powered by Yahoo, of all things. And in case you thought ad tech still had personality, The Trade Desk just killed its periodic table.

Different week. Same chaos. Let’s get into it.

Trump wants to fire FTC commissioner Rebecca Kelly Slaughter, despite a 90-year-old precedent saying presidents can’t just purge regulators like interns. Lower courts sided with her, but Roberts froze her reinstatement, teeing up a showdown that could strip the word “independent” from every independent agency.

If SCOTUS backs Trump, the FTC, SEC, and FCC become little more than loyalty tests. Antitrust enforcement? Gone if it annoys a donor. Consumer protection? Only if it polls well. The law becomes optional, and the Oval Office turns into HR.

Aldi has tapped Publicis to handle its global media account, nearly a billion dollars of spend to tell shoppers they’re saving on eggs. The agency even whipped up a bespoke unit, “Aldi One,” which sounds like a budget airline but is just Starcom with better swag.

The win gives Publicis a much-needed relevance boost and positions Aldi for its $9 billion U.S. expansion. Expect to see Aldi ads everywhere, all screaming “value” while Arthur Sadoun toasts with Aldi rosé. Discount groceries, premium fees—the holding company way.

Vinay Shahani is out as Nissan’s U.S. marketing lead after less than two years, citing family reasons (aka burnout). Nissan’s solution? Rehire Michael Soutter, who literally left last year to consult in Canada.

This is executive musical chairs at its finest. Nissan’s U.S. business has been stalling for years, and swapping out marketing bosses every 20 months isn’t a strategy—it’s an admission of failure. Dealers want stability, consumers want cars they care about, and Nissan keeps recycling résumés instead of ideas.

Trump pushed back the TikTok ban deadline again, while negotiating a deal that hands Oracle and VC bros like Andreessen Horowitz 80% of the business, with China keeping 20%. U.S. users would have to download a “new” app—same product, new ownership.

This is regulatory theater. TikTok’s power comes from its algorithm, which ByteDance still licenses. So we end up with the same feed, the same content, and the same addiction—just more middlemen cashing checks. Advertisers won’t blink, influencers won’t care, and the only difference is who gets rich off your scrolling habit.

Trump filed a $15 billion lawsuit claiming the Times ruined his business, personal, and political reputation. The Times called it “frivolous,” which is newsroom-speak for “lol.” It follows his $10 billion libel suit against News Corp, proving that suing the press is his favorite side hustle.

Here’s the thing: proving “actual malice” against a public figure is basically impossible. But the goal isn’t to win—it’s to intimidate reporters and rack up headlines. In Trumpworld, litigation isn’t law; it’s marketing.

Target-owned Shipt is blending its own marketing with Shipt Media, its retail ad network, and just picked Yahoo as its DSP of choice. The idea: hyper-local targeting so precise they’ll know you need ice cream before you do.

This matters because retail media is the new crack cocaine of adtech, and everyone wants a slice. By making Yahoo—yes, that Yahoo—the engine behind its DSP strategy, Shipt is betting old names can still deliver new tricks. It’s less about ads in the app and more about monetizing every click, cart, and craving.

Amazon DSP just expanded its integration with SiriusXM, making it easier for advertisers to fold satellite radio spots into omnichannel campaigns. Sirius is even uploading its first-party data into Amazon’s cloud, so your commute jams can now be linked directly to your impulse buys.

For Amazon, this is about owning every ad channel from your couch to your car. For advertisers, it’s another reminder that “full funnel” now includes making sales pitches when you’re trapped in traffic. Bezos isn’t just in your shopping cart; he’s in your playlist.

Streaming has officially overtaken broadcast, and advertisers were told buying direct from networks was the safe play. Except it’s not. Fraud and bot traffic are leaking in through “reach extension” tricks straight out of the 2000s web playbook.

Premium networks are selling campaigns laced with junk inventory, sometimes without even knowing it. The result? Advertisers pay for ghosts, performance tanks, and trust erodes. CTV is the future, but if the industry keeps recycling shady tactics, it’ll implode before it matures. Advertisers need receipts, not reassurances.

Trump is pushing to end quarterly earnings reports, claiming they force short-term thinking. And here’s the shocker: he’s not entirely wrong. Quarterly calls have turned into ritual hazings for CEOs, pushing brands to chase sugar highs instead of long-term growth.

Advertising, in particular, suffers under this treadmill. Big ideas take years to pay off, not 12 weeks. Killing quarterly calls won’t fix corporate America’s ADD, but it could buy marketers breathing room. The irony? Trump might actually be the unlikely patron saint of long-term brand building.

TruGreen, America’s lawn whisperer, just moved its $61 million media business from Tinuiti to WPP, deepening ties with VML for creative. The pitch? “Integration.” The result? More PowerPoints promising synergy while someone overbills for mowing metaphors.

For WPP, it’s a momentum win after landing Mastercard. For TruGreen, it’s a bet that AI platforms and “connected storytelling” will sell weed killer better than coupons in the mail. Translation: get ready for highly targeted lawn ads that follow you from TikTok to your HOA meeting.

The Trade Desk is redesigning Kokai, its platform, and sunsetting the “periodic table” view of campaigns. It was colorful, gimmicky, and beloved by media nerds who liked to pretend chemistry class made them good traders. Now it’s gone—except at the ad group level.

Why does this matter? Because The Trade Desk built its brand on being different from spreadsheet-heavy DSPs. Killing the table is a symbolic shift toward being just another enterprise platform—powerful, yes, but less quirky. Advertisers get more serious tools, but the industry loses one of its last pieces of personality.

Nike’s boss told investors the brand had endured its worst pain and was on the mend. Now the holidays are the make-or-break test: either sales rebound, or Hill’s honeymoon ends. Meanwhile, Trump is bizarrely pushing to end quarterly reports, which might be the only policy idea that could actually help brands like Nike focus on the long game.

The problem is advertising doesn’t fit into Wall Street’s 12-week sugar cycle. Campaigns like “Just Do It” work over decades, not quarters. Nike knows this, but investors don’t care. Hill’s challenge is balancing long-term brand love with short-term analyst appeasement—and praying holiday sneakers hit before Wall Street pulls the plug.

Amazon doesn’t just want your shopping cart anymore. It wants your playlist, your commute, and your kitchen speaker where you pretend to enjoy podcasts while actually doomscrolling Twitter.

The big news: Amazon DSP just expanded its integration with SiriusXM. That means advertisers can now weave satellite radio, Pandora, SoundCloud, and soon podcasts into omnichannel campaigns—all stitched together with Amazon’s retail data.

For SiriusXM, this is an overdue makeover. The company that’s long been the dad-joke of digital media—“Remember, I’ve got Sirius in my car!”—is suddenly flexing its 160 million digital listeners like it’s a growth startup. For Amazon, it’s yet another tentacle wrapping around your media diet.

The phrase of the day is “full funnel.” Translation: Amazon now owns ad touchpoints from your living room couch (Prime) to your morning commute (SiriusXM) to your midnight impulse buys (Alexa, stop listening… oh wait, too late).

Sirius isn’t just bringing inventory; it’s uploading first-party listener data into Amazon’s cloud. That means your love for Bon Jovi ballads isn’t just embarrassing—it’s actionable. An ad for batteries, protein shakes, or electric guitars can now be tied directly to your retail behavior.

This isn’t advertising; it’s a hostage situation. You’re trapped in traffic, and Amazon is in the passenger seat whispering, “Hey, need paper towels?”

Here’s the rub: Spotify should be sweating. The Trade Desk, Google, even Meta—all claim omnichannel reach, but none of them can fuse commerce data with audio at this scale. Audio has been the forgotten middle child of digital ads for years. Now Amazon is making it the golden child—because it can prove whether that jingle actually led to a purchase.

And let’s not forget: audio is a prime growth channel. The IAB says digital audio spend is up 32.8% year-over-year, podcasts are booming, and 89% of listeners report discovering brands through audio. Combine that with Amazon’s AI-powered optimization and you’ve got a weaponized ad funnel.

So what’s next? Bezos doesn’t just want to be in your shopping cart—he wants to be in your ears, car, and subconscious. The “full funnel” is now a full takeover.

And advertisers? They’re practically lining up to make sales pitches while you’re stuck at a red light. Forget snackable content—welcome to snackable commerce.

Because honesty — I do some serious deep dives with some of the toughest, baddest folks in the industry every single week. You think you know what’s going on? You don’t know what’s behind Door #2 until we kick it open.

If you’ve read how Publicis ate the whole restaurant or how Netflix turned nostalgia into an adtech money printer, you know the drill: no fluff, no PR spin, just the stuff the trades are too scared (or too cozy) to print.

Next up: WPP: The Giant That Keeps Tripping Over Its Own Feet. Yeah… you’ll want to see this one.

Stay bold. Stay curious. Know more than you did yesterday.